It’s been a rough couple of weeks.
Jodie returned to work, Leah went back to school, Lily started pre-school and our nanny started as well.
All of these changes in a matter of 2 weeks.
It’s been a lot on everyone, and it doesn’t feel right.
What felt right, really right, was how things were in the summer.
Jodie had things lined up for Leah (2 camps, playdates etc.) and kept her and Lily busy enough…but not too busy.
We all got enough sleep at least most nights.
The days weren’t so hurried.
There wasn’t as much stress, hustle, chaos.
We have all of that now.
It feels so wrong.
I was just laying in bed with Lily, she had a horrible night’s sleep.
She cried out all night long “I need Daddy.”
She tossed and turned all night long.
I know this is because of school and all of the changes going on.
She is clinging to me because I am the constant right now. I am here for her almost all the time – with the exception of the hours she is at school and when I step away to do some work when the nanny is here. But even most of that time – she knows I’m here. So it’s ok.
I just laid there asking God, what should we do? This doesn’t feel like the right path. But what is?
I asked for God to show us the path and for the strength to follow that path when we see it.
I thought of the worst case scenario – we lose the house. And now it’s looking a little bit less horrible.
So many of us parents feel the same way. We want to slow down. This hectic life doesn’t feel right.
But yet, we do it and continue to do it. Because that’s the status quo I guess. It’s just the way it’s always been done.
Financial fear is probably the reason why most of us don’t do something different.
Social pressures really weigh heavy too.
What would our families think?
What would our friends think?
But we really shouldn’t care what any of them think.
This is OUR life.
This is OUR family.
This is what WE feel is best for OUR family.
So we should make our decisions based on that – not on what other people think or might think.
The thought of losing an income is really scary.
But as I lay there thinking about all this, the thought that I had a little while back popped into my head –
“One moment can change EVERYTHING”
And as that thought popped into my head, I started to wonder about all the possibilities life can throw at us.
Like last night, the owner (I think) of several restaurants nearby came up to us and chatted with us for a while.
So I was thinking – how random was that? I mean, the whole night.
We had back to school night at Leah’s school and Jodie had her own back to school night.
So my Mother In Law came to watch the girls and said that Jodie and I should get dinner or a beer afterward.
I laughed and said that sounds awesome but I’m sure we won’t get out at the same time and I’m sure Jodie will want to come straight home.
Needless to say, we got out at almost the same time and Jodie did want to have a beer.
So we met at a restaurant and had a beer and an appetizer.
It was really, really nice.
Anyway, I was thinking – that one little random event could change thing….or any moment like that could really change things.
The owner of the restaurant said hello to every person that walked in and out of the restaurant – he knew them all by name.
So here is this really well connected guy that just decided to sit down next to us and have a chat.
Not that you have to meet someone who has lots of connections or anything but it’s just the idea there is so much potential for connections to other people, opportunities and ideas in every single moment in life.
You could meet some random person in the isle of the grocery store. Strike up a conversation and that could lead to an answer to an important question or a new job or whatever.
So, when I thought about that in the context of our current situation, it made me realize that there is huge potential for opportunity and positive change, in every moment in life.
And it’s not our job to figure them out. To plan them and plot them out.
We just need to stay open to them. Open to the opportunities. Open to the ideas.
I think there is something too, in what Suchitra mentioned to me recently when I spoke to her about Jodie returning to work.
She said “you have to create the vacuum for new things to come in.”
That makes more sense now in light of this idea of how powerful each moment can be.
If Jodie was not at her job, if she quit, that would free her up for other opportunities.
She would be doing something else with her time, putting her in different situations with different people – and who knows what can come of that.
Still, I personally struggle with the idea of her quitting her job.
I don’t know – it doesn’t feel like the answer right in this moment but then again, I don’t know if that’s my intuition or just an ego based fear.
The other thing I’ve been thinking about too is Renegade Dad and my own personal life mission.
Renegade Dad is the closest thing that I’ve done to something that is totally aligned with my greater purpose.
But it still doesn’t feel like “it” at least not the way that it is right now.
I definitely have an urge, a nagging, to branch out and talk about the whole experience as a Dad and Parenthood in general.
The pressures, the responsibilities, the challenges.
But also talk about the things that are really important to me and the changes I’m looking to take in my own life – like this one right now. Putting our family into a situation that feels right, despite the tremendous pressures that face us.
Also, really making the most of each moment.
Letting the people I love know how much I love them.
Respecting the earth and nature.
Finding a happier relationship and understanding of money and how it works.
Living my truth.
Doing all this, in the face of fear and uncertainty.
That’s kind of where I want to go with things.
Not just “online” though – finding real, practical ways to make these values part of my normal daily life.
Like the thank you card idea.
Like writing personal notes to the people I love – letting them know how much I love them.
Taking the time to actually DO those things, not just think about them.
Taking time to try new things that I’ve always wanted to try – like roasting my own coffee.
Learning to play guitar.
Becoming fluent in Italian and Spanish – maybe even Chinese!
What does life look like if I’m REALLY soaking the juices out of it?
Not this situation right now – this struggle, this hustle.
So, how do we redirect?
How do we make it our reality?
I am asking God to show us the way. I don’t know, I can’t see it at least not right now.
But I know we will be shown, if we keep asking and stay open.
Things will work out.
They always do.