It’s November 19th and I have about one more month of actually being able to hit my quotas for the year.
And I am feeling a tremendous amount of pressure, so much so that I am starting to feel stuck.
I MUST make commission this month.
Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.
But I was just thinking to myself – ok you know how this works. If you get all tied to this specific outcome you’re going to push it away.
It will also cause me to lose focus on the more important things and potentially miss out on some of the great moments of life – like just being present with the girls.
So I thought to myself –
“OK so what’s the worst case scenario if I don’t make commission this quarter?
If I don’t make commission I will go further into debt. I will need to liquidiate more of my retirements savings (IRA) to pay bills. Probably a lot more since my debt snowball will continue to build up. (Update on June 29, 2014: I did need to liquidate more of my IRA to pay bills. As a matter of fact, we eliminated all of it to cover expenses until about August wen Jodie would be going back to work. Right now, this is a big fear I am trying to manage. I’m not exactly sure how to manage it, I don’t want to run in fear and panic but this is also don’t want to be naive. My biggest fear is losing the house – mainly because the girls love it so much and it feels so right to be here. We are really loving and enjoying it as a family)
We may not get approved for a mortgage even if we sell our house. If we don’t get approved, we can’t move. (Update on June 29, 2014: We did in fact get approved for a mortgage , on our own. And I am right now sitting in this gorgeous place that we love so much, listening to the birds chirping away outside and looking out at the beautiful trees and green grass. So, a false assumption and unnecessary worry. Had I stayed calm and investigated all of my options as time went on, I probably would have ended up with the same result but with much less fear and worry)
I will not make commission for another 3 months. (Update on June 29, 2014: Our commission structure changed and went to a monthly commission vs. a quarterly commission structure. So, interesting to see that I “assumed/believed” something that was completely false – that I would not make commission for 3 more months)
I will have to work very hard for the next quarter to make sure I hit my quota that quarter.
OK so all of that will totally suck. But what is the cost in becoming a maniac about hitting my quotas?
The big problem there is missing out on time with the girls. I see it happening all the time – like every morning I take Leah to school. I’m stuck in my own head about work. I barely even see Leah lately and I’m letting that time in the morning slip away because I’m too stuck thinking about work and making quota. (Update June 29, 2014: If I could go back in time and talk to myself I’d say – dude, all this shit is going to work out pal. Try not to let this consume your mental space. Be present with Jodie, Leah, Lily and Bella. That is what is most important and what truly matters most. It’s a waste to get caught up in the future – you can’t even see all the possibilities and I know (because I am you from the future) that this will all work out pretty damn amazingly. So chill out pal, enjoy each moment)
It really sucks.
I am beginning to feel like I’m just destined to struggle financially.
I don’t know what it is. It’s like it keeps running from me.
I’m not sure what the answer is here. I just wanted to make note of this.
I am going to try some things to hit my quota but somehow, I need to detach from that outcome and get back to being fully present in every moment no matter what.
And get back to bringing the best of me to every minute. (Update June 29, 2014: Yes, you SHOULD do this. THAT is the key) I feel like I’ve been a grumpy stressed out asshole lately.
So I guess I just have to relax knowing that all the hard work I put in now may or may not pay off this quarter. But if not this quarter – it will definitely pay off next quarter. (Update June 29, 2014: Your best months and quarters have come as a result of being totally present and giving it all you’ve got each day. Not getting hyper-focused on work but actually enjoying the work, doing what’s right, thinking creatively, bringing fun and good energy to the job. When you’ve been hyper focused and created “plans” to try to control the results, you end of getting stressed out and the numbers end of being disappointing. Find the balance of working hard but also having fun. The balance of putting in enough time and effort, but not getting too attached to the results)
So one more quarter, I just deal with the financial stuff – knowing and planning for the large influx of wealth that will come my way next quarter…..or not.